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Disagreements between parents about how to raise their children are common, whether relating to schooling, medical treatment, discipline, or general day-to-day decisions. While differences of opinion are normal, unresolved conflict can affect a child's emotional well-being and stability.
When parents separate or share primary residency and care (“custody”), these disagreements often become more complicated. South African law requires both parents to act in the best interests of the child, but this can be difficult when emotions escalate.
Understanding parental responsibilities
In terms of the Children's Act 38 of 2005, both parents generally share full parental responsibilities and rights. This includes caring for the child, maintaining contact and making important decisions regarding education, healthcare and general upbringing.
Unless a Court order states otherwise, both parents must be consulted on major decisions. Acting unilaterally can create unnecessary tension and may lead to disputes or allegations of parental alienation.
Practical ways to resolve disagreements
1. Communicate early and calmly. Set time aside to discuss the issue privately, without the child present, to keep the focus on the decision rather than the disagreement.
2. Separate personal issues from parenting issues. Many disputes stem from lingering relationship dynamics rather than genuine concerns about the child. Keeping discussions centred on the child helps prevent matters from becoming personal.
3. Use mediation before litigation. The Children's Act encourages mediation and parenting coordination to help parents reach agreement without going to Court. A neutral mediator can guide constructive discussions and reduce stress for everyone involved.
4. Record agreements in writing. Once an agreement is reached, documenting it helps prevent misunderstandings. A parenting plan is useful and is often made an order of Court.
5. Involve professionals when needed. If parents remain deadlocked, a family advocate, social worker or psychologist may assess the situation and make recommendations in the child's best interests
When Court intervention becomes necessary
If parents cannot resolve the issue, the Court may be approached to decide. The Court will always consider the child's best interests first. In some cases, the Court may appoint experts to investigate or may limit a parent's decision-making rights if their conduct harms the child's well-being.
Litigation should be a last resort as it is costly, time-consuming, and can strain the child's relationship with both parents.
In Conclusion
Effective co-parenting relies on mutual respect and placing the child's needs first. Clear communication, mediation and well-structured parenting plans can resolve most disagreements before they escalate to legal action.
The content of this article is intended to provide a general guide to the subject matter. Specialist advice should be sought about your specific circumstances.
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