Essential Tips For Prosecuting A Divorce Or Child Custody Lawsuit Against A Sociopath Or Narcissist In Nigeria

Introduction

Divorce and child custody lawsuits can be incredibly challenging, especially when dealing with a sociopathic or narcissistic partner. In my sixteen years of experience in handling high-conflict lawsuits, I have seen firsthand the damaging effects of narcissistic behaviour on partners and children.

While I plan to use the terms "sociopath" and "narcissist" interchangeably, it is important to note that there is a significant difference between the two terms. The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders IV of the American Psychiatric Association (DSM-IV) defines Narcissistic Personality Disorder ("NPD") "as a pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts." In addition, DSM-5, which was published in 2013 goes further to state that NPD involves impairments in interpersonal functioning in the areas of empathy and intimacy, as well as the pathological personality traits of grandiosity and attention-seeking. On the other hand, Dr Martha Stout, a renowned clinical psychologist and author, describes a sociopath as a person who is devoid of conscience but who may or may not be prone to violence.

While discussing the difference between a sociopath and a narcissist in her book Outsmarting the Sociopath Next Door, Dr Martha Stout wrote as follows:

"The sociopath loves to manipulate and simply does not care that he has hurt someone. The narcissist does not wish to hurt others, but is psychologically blind to their feelings and (often to reality), which means he may easily do just as much damage as the sociopath and is often just as painfully destructive in a relationship."

Sociopathy and Narcissism are Mental Health Conditions

Section 57 of the National Mental Health Act, 2021, defines "mental health conditions" as "impressions, activity limitations and individual and participatory restrictions arising from diagnosable mental disorders which involve significant changes in thinking, emotion or behaviour and cause distress or problems in the interaction between the individual and his environment and include intellectual, psychosocial or cognitive disabilities."

Going by the above definition of mental health conditions, it is clear that sociopathy and narcissism are both mental health conditions under the National Mental Health Act, 2021.

Tips for Prosecuting a Divorce or Child Custody Lawsuit Against a Sociopath or Narcissist

Filing a divorce or child custody lawsuit against a sociopath or narcissist should not be treated like every other regular lawsuit because sociopaths or narcissists are one of the most difficult adversaries to have in a lawsuit. Instructively, the lawsuit usually becomes even more complicated if the sociopath or narcissist involved in the lawsuit is brilliant or wealthy. Therefore, you must take the following tips into consideration before filing a divorce or custody lawsuit against a sociopath or narcissist:

• Assess Your Situation Methodically.
• Ensure Your Physical Safety.
• Avoid Emotional Reactions.
• Gather Your Evidence.
• Remain Focused on Your Goals.
• Develop a Strong Support System.
• Don't Engage in Parental Alienation.
• Hire an Experienced Family Lawyer.

1. Assess Your Situation Methodically:

It is important for you to present your situation to a clinical psychologist who can assess the facts of your case and make the necessary diagnosis. The essence of this assessment is for you to be sure of the situation you are dealing with so that you can prepare appropriately for the battle ahead. Professor Robert Hare of the University of Columbia emphasised this point when he wrote as follows:

"Everyone, including the experts, can be taken in, manipulated, conned, and left bewildered by them. A good psychopath can play a concerto on anyone's heartstrings...Your best defense is to understand the nature of these human predators."

2. Ensure Your Physical Safety:

There will be regular tension and altercations if you are married to or in a relationship with a sociopath or narcissist. Therefore, you must take steps to ensure your physical safety, both from your partner and yourself. If the need arises, make a formal complaint to the police authorities and alert the security within your neighbourhood to always be on the lookout for you and your children.

3. Avoid Emotional Reactions:

The goal of a narcissist is to rile you up because they derive joy in knowing that they can control your reaction, mood and actions. Therefore, you must ensure that you do not fuel their actions by giving them an emotional response. Furthermore, it will be in your best interest to react strategically to any action from a narcissist because emotional reactions and outbursts tend to favour the narcissist's narrative about you.

4. Gather Your Evidence:

Although it is usually challenging to gather evidence against a brilliant narcissist, you must strive to document all the abusive, intimidating, and cruel actions of the narcissist before deciding to go to court against them. As a victim, it is pointless to go to battle when you don't have sufficient evidence to establish your claims.

5. Remain Focused on Your Goals:

You must identify your goals early enough before going to court against a narcissist. You must also remain focused on achieving your goals and be prepared to make some sacrifices to achieve them. Therefore, if the narcissist tries to distract you with any action, you must not allow your response to his action to distract you from your goal.

6. Develop a Strong Support System:

Most sociopaths and narcissists are usually able to dominate their victims after isolating them from their families and friends. Therefore, you must re-establish a strong connection with your trusted family and friends before deciding to file a lawsuit against a narcissist, as you will require their physical and emotional support during the litigation against your partner.

7. Don't Engage in Parental Alienation:

Parental alienation is the process by which one parent psychologically poisons the relationship between the child and the other parent. Don't fall for the temptation to engage in parental alienation because a narcissist would use this as evidence to bolster their claim for child custody in court. Given that sociopaths and narcissists are fond of engaging in sociopathic custody games, it is important to avoid giving them any evidence which they can use against you in court.

8. Hire an Experienced Family Lawyer:

While narcissism and sociopathy are not areas of specialisation in family law, it is usually more advantageous for a party to engage the services of a professional who has a deep understanding of these concepts and has experience in representing parties in high-conflict disputes. Instructively, the ability of sociopaths and narcissists to manipulate their partners, judges, mediators and social welfare workers was highlighted by a psychologist at the University of British Columbia who described their actions as "Academy Award-winning performances."

Conclusion

While it is not unusual for people to find themselves in a relationship with a sociopath or a narcissist by either getting married to them or having a child for them, it is important to remember that you can successfully confront these challenges and remove yourself from the toxic relationship. My objective in writing this article is to provide you with practical tips and resources to navigate a divorce or child custody lawsuit.

The content of this article is intended to provide a general guide to the subject matter. Specialist advice should be sought about your specific circumstances.