Tips for co-parenting during the holidays

The holiday season can be a challenging time, particularly for those navigating the complexities of co-parenting after separation. Whether you are newly separated or in the midst of the process, this period may feel overwhelming and emotionally charged. However, with careful planning and a focus on the best interests of your children, it is possible to create a positive and meaningful holiday experience for your children.

Below, we provide some practical guidance designed to support you to prioritise the welfare of your children, while managing your own emotional wellbeing during the holiday season.

1. How can I prepare for the emotional challenges of the holiday season after separation?

It has been acknowledged that separation and divorce are some of the most stressful life events that a person can experience. The holiday season can bring up strong emotions, particularly when there are changes to long-standing traditions. It is important to identify potential triggers and develop a plan to manage them.

2. What if I can't spend the holidays with my children?

If circumstances such as distance, or the agreed, or court ordered parenting arrangements mean you cannot spend certain holidays with your children, you can still celebrate your favourite traditions with your children, just a little earlier or later than usual. Your children are less worried about the date. They are more interested in the special traditions and sharing them with you. Alternating the arrangements each year and creating new traditions can also help maintain a sense of continuity and joy for your children.

3. How can I look after my mental health during the holidays?

It is natural to experience sadness or grief, especially if this is your first festive season post-separation. Surround yourself with supportive family and friends, and do not hesitate to seek professional help if needed. Organisations such as Beyond Blue (1300 224 636) and Parents Beyond Breakup (1300 853 437) offer valuable resources and support.

Prioritising your mental health and self-care is essential to navigating this difficult time. Consider giving your time to a charitable cause or volunteering to help support those in need.

4. How do I make the holidays positive for my children after separation?

Involving your children in planning the holidays in an age-appropriate way can give them a sense of ownership and excitement about new family traditions. Avoid speaking negatively about the other parent, and be mindful that your children may worry that they will disappoint you by not spending the whole holiday period with you. Reassure them and alleviate any feelings of guilt or worry.

5. What should I do if holiday plans change unexpectedly?

Unforeseen circumstances may arise, and it is important to approach these situations with flexibility and cooperation. While it is natural to feel disappointed if plans change, try not to let this affect your children's enjoyment of the holidays. Protecting children from parental conflict has been shown to positively help children cope with their parents' separation.

6. How do I minimise conflict during the holidays?

The holiday season can be stressful, and tensions may run high. To minimise conflict, keep your communications with your co-parent neutral and focused on practical matters. Avoid engaging in or responding to provocative messages, as this can escalate tensions and detract from the holiday experience for your children.

Discuss gift-giving and budgets with your co-parent to avoid duplication, comparison and financial stress. The goal is to keep the focus on creating joyful experiences for your children.

Consider using a shared calendar or a parenting app to manage schedules, communication and reduce misunderstandings. These tools help keep communication child-focused and minimise emotional triggers.

7. What steps should I take if I'm worried about safety or family violence?

Everyone deserves to be safe and protected from family violence. If there are any concerns about safety, whether for yourself or your children, help and support is available. This may involve contacting the appropriate authorities such as the police, obtaining support from 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732), or seeking legal advice specific to your situation.

8. Where can I get legal advice?

Navigating co-parenting during the holidays can be complex, but you do not have to face it alone. Whether you require assistance with parenting arrangements, mediation, or understanding your rights and obligations under the Family Law Act 1975, Barry Nilsson's team of experienced family lawyers are here to provide you with tailored advice and support.

The content of this article is intended to provide a general guide to the subject matter. Specialist advice should be sought about your specific circumstances.